The Moment I Have Always Waited For

Posted on 6/1/2012 by the Salt City Sinner


WARNING: CONTENTS ARE ABSOLUTELY REAL NEWS STORIES, AND ARE VERY DISTURBING AND VIOLENT.

Z-Day is here, Z-Day is real, and the epicenter is...Miami? New Jersey, maybe? Ach, so predictable!

They're coming for you, Barbara

Three stories from the East Coast. First, from Miami, the delightful case of  a naked man who ate most of the face of his victim before at least six police bullets finally brought him down:

One man was shot to death by Miami police and another was left fighting for his life after he was attacked and his face allegedly half eaten, by a naked man on the MacArthur Causeway off ramp, police said.  

The bloodshed began about 2 P.M. when a series of gunshots were heard on the ramp...[An] officer approached and saw that the naked man was actually chewing the other man's head, according to witnesses. The officer ordered the naked man to back away, and when he continued his assault, the officer shot him. The attacker continued to eat the man, despite being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least half a dozen shots. 

Flash forward one day. You might have also heard of the mysterious case of the man who flung his own intestines at police? No? Please, indulge yourself:

The gruesome scene played out [Wayne] Carter's Hackensack, N.J., home after police were called based on reports that the 43-year-old man was barricaded in his room with a knife and planning on harming himself, according to the local NBC station. The cops kicked in the door and ordered Carter to drop the knife. Ignoring the officers' orders, Carter allegedly began stabbing himself in the abdomen, neck and legs instead. Attempts to subdue him with pepper spray did nothing but seemed to enrage him. That's when officers say Carter began throwing pieces of his skin and entrails at the cops. Wisely, they retreated.

Carter was eventually subdued by the SWAT team and is in critical condition in the hospital. No charges have been filed (yet) due to the weird and gruesome nature of his acts.

Yet another story, wee ones? All right. Gather around my bony knees and I'll spin you a yarn of 2012, the year the Zombie Apocalypse began. The place? Maryland! We always knew it would begin in the East. Once upon a time....

Hours after his family members alerted police to a human head and two hands they discovered stashed in metal tins, a Maryland man admitted killing his housemate, cutting him up, then eating his heart and part of his brain, authorities said. 

Alexander Kinyua, 21, was being held without bail at the Harford County Detention Center after being charged with first-degree murder, first-degree assault and second-degree assault.

Zombies, cannibals...whichever one, it's always lousy housekeeping and bad public manners that will get them in the end.

In all seriousness, it's weird that all of these high-profile cases are happening at once. But in case of the Zombie Apocalypse, worry not, all six readers of mine. I'm prepared.

I've been prepared for a long time.