Thursday, 5 August 2010

Two Plus Two Equals Five OR [Sic] To My Stomach

Joseph Farah's World Net Daily, a clearinghouse of unhinged wingnut lunacy and a website that's about as far to the right as you can go before you hit Stormfront country, posted a re-hash of a recent CNN poll today, and got kind of...creative...with what them liberal elites call the "mathemagics." In a post titled CNN's bad news for Obama: 6 of 10 doubt U.S. birth story, the brain trust at WND dusted off Glenn Beck's chalkboard, started scribbling away, and came up with the following:

[CNN's poll] question was: "Do you think Barack Obama was definitely born in the United States, probably born in the United States, probably born in another country, or definitely born in another country?"

Definitely in the United States got the vote from 42 percent of the respondents, and probably in the United States another 29 percent.

But that leaves almost 6 of 10 Americans uncertain about the president's birth – and therefore his eligibility under the U.S. Constitution even to be president.

OK, let's see..42 + 29 = 71, and 100% - 71% = 29%. Now 6 out of 10 is 60%, so... 29% = 60%! QED!

Farah's little online tabloid also made sure to include the most poorly reasoned and badly spelled comments from CNN's open thread on the topic, sprinkled liberally - excuse me, conservatively...EXCUSE me, independently - with [sic]s. This demonstrates the journalistic and literary superiority of the average WND author/reader; at least, when compared to those damned commies at CNN.

I thought I'd do a little comparison shopping with Farah's crowd:

Mr. Barry S. El Presitenta [sic]

You have finnaly[sic] pushed the American people to the limit with you and your Czars and stupid Dem,progresive thinking nation distroying S>O>OBs. Do you and the others think you can really pull this destruction off? There are way to many pi### off people for you to handle this. I guarente [sic] that. Come and try to get us! Do you really think you can? You might try but you cant get all of us!


Mr Obama

If you look nto [sic] obama's back ground He [ed. - and us lefties are the one who are supposed to think Obama is the messiah?] has never been around anyone but comunist [sic],his white tras [sic] mother was a communist both his father and step father were America hating communist [sic],his grand parents were communist and mentor as he calls him was a teacher of Saul Lewenski [Freudian sic!] a communist through and through,and his proceedures [sic] for take over of America is what obama and co are useing [sic] as their plan . Take a look at all of his freinds [sic] that he has appointed as czars are all connected to communist groups,his mother worked for thr [sic] Ford foundation one of the most subversive groups,he taught ACORN all of the tactis that use he helped all through out their orgination and was a strret [sic] orginizer [sic] for several communist groups like Tide foundation and George Soros he even said in his books that he surounded himself with like minded people,terrorist like Bill Ayers and Bernidet [sic] Dohrn of the weather under ground a,communist [sic] group born of traitors of the US. So what do you expect from a Muslim Communist,but to support those of his ilk to undermine our country

Red-baiting is always more credible when salted, cured and exposed to the lurid Gamma glow of W. Cleon Skousen and the ever-creeping branches of Glenn Beck's handy CommunoMuslim flow-chart.

Hussein Obama, cry 96 tears

Mr. Huussein Obama, is it true that the reason for your despotism and ultra Control Freak attitude, goes back to your childhood days, when little Johnny used to shove you in the mud puddle and make everyone laugh at you? And you would get up and run away crying? I think it is. You were a true sissy and hid behind mamma's shirts when the other normal boys would pick on you and call you names. Kind of like those 2 Columbine boys, you were always the fairy who got picked on, so now, like them, you over react to a ridiculous level, trying to "set things right" with your fabled Oratory skills and many lawyers to protect you from modern bullies. Guess what, Mr. Oratory skills with many lawyers - people still read you exactly for what you are, a poltroon who never won a fight on your own, and a disgraceful and immoral LIAR. What would it take for you to stop being a LIAR, Mr. Poltroon Hussein coward? Maybe it is too late for you. But, don't think that you have prevented us from figuring you out. Poltroon. Liar

That last one was relatively coherent (well, kind of) and contained few glaring misspellings, but I included it anyway because between calling Obama a "fairy" and a "poltroon," I have to give the author props for sifting together a zesty blend of Shakespearean ball-busting and good old fashioned queer-baiting (Obama sort of defused this in advance with his "skinny kid with a funny name" line, but let's just roll with it for fun).

I've said it before and I'll say it again: stay classy, Wingnuts! And remember, don't give up on mathematics - even home-schooled, half-crazed lunatic cretins deserve a chance to learn, to spread your wings and soar.

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