Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Mitt Romney Steps On A Rake, Rakes It In

posted 9/19/2012 by the Salt City Sinner

There's an old golf joke that my dad busts out occasionally that still cracks me up: "I hit two good balls today...I stepped on a rake!"

Mitt Romney has made it something of a personal philosophical commitment, his recent rake-stepping. There was the RNC's baffling piece of performance art in which the Romney Campaign sagely decided to let an 82-year-old man ramble through over twice his allotted time in an unscripted, unvetted "speech" (read: cranked-out bitching at an imaginary man in an empty chair). There was Romney's attempt to smirk his way...

... through a cheap, political "gotcha" moment regarding the tragic deaths of U.S. diplomats - again, wham!, right in the runts.

And now, in a surgical political strike by Mother Jones magazine (a previously relatively little known and scrappy publication that has now earned a MAJOR chunk of attention), Romney's words from months ago have been fashioned into yet another rake and carefully placed in his path.

Given the astonishing political inexpedience of writing off half the country as lazy moochers I almost feel sorry for Mitt. A man can only take so much junk-punching. As the New York Times characterized the mood in Mittenshire lately:

A palpably gloomy and openly frustrated mood has begun to envelop Mr. Romney's campaign for president. Well-practiced in the art of lurching from public relations crisis to public relations crisis, his team seemed to reach its limit as it digested a ubiquitous set of video clips that showed their boss candidly describing nearly half of the country's population as government-dependent "victims," and saying that he would "kick the ball down the road" on the biggest foreign-policy challenges of the past few decades, the Palestinian-Israeli peace process. 
Grim-faced aides acknowledged that it was an unusually dark moment made worse by the self-inflicted, seemingly avoidable nature of the wound....Mr. Romney himself seemed pensive on the early-morning flight Tuesday...sitting alone with a white legal pad and a pen as he picked at a vegetarian breakfast burrito. An aide said that he had eaten dinner alone in his hotel room the night before as the video controversy began to unfold.

Poor Willard! :(

As Wonkette notably put it, "There has never been more tragedy in one place than when Mitt Romney dined on a vegetarian burrito alone."

There was a bright spot hiding in those ellipses above, however.

After all, where does a Willard go to ice down his aching testicles and get his breath back?

"...the early morning flight Tuesday from California to Utah..."

And how did Utah receive Willard into our pasty bosom?

Mitt Romney raised $2 million in 3 hours.

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you take the sting out of a thorough cashew-cracking.

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