Salt City Sinner

posted 10/5/2012 by the Salt City Sinner Greetings, sheeple, from my stronghold high atop the Wells Fargo Building in downtown Salt City, where I type this before a massive, glowing bank of monitors that display the ongoing progress of my 23-point plan for complete social control. Whether you want to demonize me as a "liberal," or prefer the Glenn Beck update "progressive," we all know the truth, and it's time to pull the curtain aside: like all left-leaning persons, I am actually a member of the Illuminati. How else to explain how much power my side of the aisle wields in U.S. American politics? According to conservatives, liberals/the Illuminati control the media * , science * , academia in general * , public schools * , public radio * , pretty much anything "public," the courts * , and Hollywood * . Hell, we pretty much control everything except for scrappy, underdog operations like WND and Fox News, or quiet, marginalized voices like...

A funny thing happened on my way home from my dad's birthday party yesterday. As I was creeping through downtown, I had my radio tuned to the LDS Church's General Relief Society Meeting (specifically, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's remarks on “Roses vs. Forget-Me-Nots,” which had a pretty lovely message, whether you're a Mormon or worship no gods at all – although the section about the “most majestic and powerful Creature in the Universe knowing your name” obviously didn't apply). I hit the intersection of State and S. Temple, and traffic immediately slammed to a stop. After a few minutes, it became apparent what was going on – there was a truly remarkable procession underway. I mistook it for a gay pride event, maybe even one thrown to promote solidarity after three recent incidents of downtown anti-gay violence. As traffic got worse and I crept to the front of a line of cars meticulously performing U-turns under the mirror-glassed gaze of State Highway Pa...

This local ad is utterly inexplicable to me. Local ads in general are the worst of the worst, and often odd enough that IFC is launching a reality show about weird local ad makers. Why does this ad strike me as so interesting? Part of it is repeat exposure. I'm up very early every day, and this commercial airs during local newscasts in the morning. It's texture - bold, dumb, vaguely "hip-hop" - conflicts with the ideological texture of morning newscasts so jarringly that it always grabs my attention (mission accomplished, I guess). Check it out: No matter how you slice it, it's DAMN ODD. And even odder when it interrupts the usual home remodel showcases and household product commercials and the tepid, half-jokey newscaster's drone.