Salt City Sinner

posted on 1/2/2019 by the Salt City Sinner Hey gang! How was your New Years? Did you have fun getting arrested and beaten and maybe tased until you whizzed yourself and then locked in a box for a few days? What’s that you say? You dodged Utah’s shiny new .05 DUI law by calling a Lyft after having two drinks rather than chancing it? Well will you have a look at that, I guess the system works ! I did no drinking whatsoever on the dreaded night in question and went to bed at (if I remember correctly) 8 PM, because I am a wild man and a party animal. To me, annual New Year celebrations have all of the bad baggage of a birthday – the march of time, a grim reminder of mortality – with none of the fun. Maybe it’s my temperament, maybe it’s the time of year, I don’t know, but for me it’s just a bummer of a holiday. That said, the year ahead ought to prove interesting, and so I present to you my five predictions for 2019. Stand back as my listicles descend! April 1, 2019: ...

posted on 6/10/2015 by the Salt City Sinner Musky salutations, nerds and nerdettes! We are a mere 15 weeks away from the triumphant return of Salt Lake Comic Con, or, as I like to call it , the North American Comic Con With The Fewest Virgins™. Throughout Utah and the surrounding region, fans are getting ready; assembling their costumes, slimming down to fit into said costumes, planning time off of work from from the IT help desk, and so forth. If, like me, you are already starting to get excited about the goings-on and if you are wondering how you will pass the idle days between now and September 24 – 26, here are five suggestions on what to read, comics-wise, between now and then. SALT CITY STRANGERS “Hang on a second,” I can hear you say, and not just because I've bugged your house. “Did you steal the title of your dumb-ass bloggue from this marvelous local comic book? What the hell is wrong with you, asshole?!” Whoa, buddy! Watch your language! And while you...

posted on 5/27/2015 by the Salt City Sinner It's a beautiful day outside! Spring is blossoming on the brink of summer, the warm air is laden with birdsong and sweet, golden pollen, and you've decided to join a cult. This is not a wholly unusual life choice, and although your friends, family, coworkers, and various psychiatric professionals may be dismayed by your decision, or even tell you that you're making a horrible mistake that will destroy your life, this modest bloggue is a judgement-free zone and staunch defender of your political and religious liberty and your right to live according to your Sincerely Held Beliefs™, no matter how unusual they may be. You may think that this means that your decision-making days are over. This is, unfortunately, not true YET. After all, planet Earth in the year 2015 offers you a magnificent array of options in terms of cults that are eager to have you on board. To help determine which cult might be a good fit for you, we h...

posted on 7/18/2013 by the Salt City Sinner  At dawn’s crack in the hollow betwixt two hills, the hairy clusters of men bunched and steamed in the chill air. The mighty fist of loyalty had jerked them all rudely from their homefires, jerked them all the way to the root of the Short Tower. Lord Dickens Smallwood was Warden of the Short Tower, a stub of a man only as tall as he was wide, and given to agitated frothing at the slightest provocation. He dug his thighs into his mount and pulled up short before a banner bearing the sigil of his house: a wilted orchid, purple on a pale field. Ser Boner Cartwheel, Smallwood’s strong right hand, planned to take the Rear Guard into battle. “There,” he spat, veins bulging beneath his squat lavender helm as he stabbed at a map with a long, hard finger. “We shall penetrate them THERE.” “I know not,” Smallwood replied, chewing one slick, hairy lip. “Ser Hardpole, called the Cock of the Fountains, will be standing tall in that tigh...

posted on 5/24/2013 by the Salt City Sinner  It’s 9:17 PM on a sleepy Sunday night in Salt Lake City, UT -- in the avenues, to be precise. It’s a quiet, friendly neighborhood, currently in the process of winding down after another day of civic excellence. It has been warm, but not hot, and a breeze floats through my open bedroom window, gently ruffling my Batman bed sheets. I am on the verge of falling asleep, awash in that meditative state that bleeds into unconsciousness, when I hear my front door open. This is odd since I am A) not expecting visitors and B) pretty certain that I locked it. Before I am fully awake, I see a tall silhouette glide silently into my bedroom, and I hear a voice that I instantly recognize. “Sorry to bother you,” the voice says, “but it’s been a hard few weeks and I needed a kindred spirit to talk to.” Even in a startled and half-dozing state, it’s impossible to mistake Barack Obama, 44th President of these United States of America, for an...

posted on 5/16/2013 by the Salt City Sinner WND (formerly World Net Daily) and I may have had our   differences , but commenter Michael Hahn is really on to something here regarding President Obama: Thank you, Michael Hahn. Thank you, WND. That will do.

Once upon a time, there was a large bulge bracket banking and securities firm named Platinum Richard. Platinum Richard primarily dealt with financial securities, including investment banking. i No entity - it would be doing Platinum Richard a disservice to call them a "corporation" - is entirely good or bad, to be honest. That said, In a world of bad companies, Platinum Richard was one of the  very most poorly behaved. Shame on them. A naughty company, stealing from the garden and being very disrespectful! Eventually one of Platinum Richard's friends came forward with some scary facts . Remember, kids - if you think something is wrong, talk about it with a parent or teacher (but not an executive)!. Platinum Richard didn't seem to care. Times are very good when you can steal from the garden! Unfortunately when Platinum Richard's friend told his story to the town it turned out that people didn't like him quite as much! In fact, that nast...

To celebrate Christmas, #OccupySLC hosted a potluck dinner today at the One World Cafe, located at 40 S. 300 E. in downtown Salt Lake City.. For those of you unfamiliar with the One World Cafe and/or Everybody Eats Foundation, here's a bit-sized morsel from their mission statement : [One World Cafe] began when owner Denise Cerreta in mid-2003 had an epiphany to serve food, let people choose their own portions and let them price those portions themselves...Because our customers choose their own prices, their portions tend to be more mindful and reflect what they actually want to eat, with the result being little or no food waste. We've realized that this makes more food available and we expect this will make the concept exportable and adaptable worldwide.  Much like the Circle-A Cafe / kitchen operation at #OccupySLC's original base camp in Pioneer Park, OWC seems, at first blush, like a silly idealistic notion that could never survive the harsh and brutal reali...

As deeply as I drink from the well of bitter disappointment, it's occasionally nice to switch to a sweeter cocktail, preferably one that induces forgetfulness, like the waters of the river Lethe , or Jose Cuervo. About six months ago my life was notably improved by the addition of a small, furry companion, Charley. Charley is a three-year-old Brussels Griffon , and is freaking adorable (and surprisingly well-behaved!). Charley's best canine friend in the world belongs to a neighbor of my parents' named Jan - he is a little white mutt named Toby. If you, like me, need a little break from news regarding the economy or the environment or the state of income inequality or basically anything that ISN'T a backyard full of sunshine and cute dogs, please enjoy.

Insipid wingnut Matthew Vadum managed to excrete a particularly vile little piece at the American Spectator today, entitled " Obama's Plan to Desecrate 9/11 " (no, really, go ahead and have a look - I'll wait). In part, it reads: On the Aug. 11 call, Yearwood and other leaders kept saying repeatedly that they wanted 9/11 to be used for something "positive," "forward-leaning," and "productive," said a source with knowledge of the teleconference. The plan is to turn a "day of fear" that helps Republicans into a day of activism called the National Day of Service that helps the left. In other words, nihilistic liberals are planning to drain 9/11 of all meaning. And how are nihilistic liberals planning to drain 9/11 of all meaning? [Author's note: even in the midst of the lunacy coming out of the right these days, it stone cold blows my freaking mind that I typed that sentence quoting, in full and in context, a conservative who...