Skip to main content

Scene From The Underwear Run



A funny thing happened on my way home from my dad's birthday party yesterday. As I was creeping through downtown, I had my radio tuned to the LDS Church's General Relief Society Meeting (specifically, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's remarks on “Roses vs. Forget-Me-Nots,” which had a pretty lovely message, whether you're a Mormon or worship no gods at all – although the section about the “most majestic and powerful Creature in the Universe knowing your name” obviously didn't apply).

I hit the intersection of State and S. Temple, and traffic immediately slammed to a stop. After a few minutes, it became apparent what was going on – there was a truly remarkable procession underway. I mistook it for a gay pride event, maybe even one thrown to promote solidarity after three recent incidents of downtown anti-gay violence. As traffic got worse and I crept to the front of a line of cars meticulously performing U-turns under the mirror-glassed gaze of State Highway Patrol motorcyle cops, I tried to keep a grip on my road rage, with little success. It didn't help my blood pressure to learn this morning that the event that crippled traffic throughout downtown was not, in fact, an LGBT-focused event, but rather the “first annual Salt Lake Undie Fun Run.” Well, that explains why everybody was so scantily clad, doesn't it?





SALT LAKE CITY (ABC 4 News) – Thousands of people wearing nothing but their underwear and a smile ran in downtown Salt Lake City Saturday. 
Crowds of people lined the streets. Some stood in stunned silence, while others showed obvious support for the undie clad crowd.

According to Nate Porter, who started this event through Facebook, the previous world record for an “undie run,” 550 people, was blown out of the water, but officials from Guinness wouldn't count the record because the BVD-clad hordes literally couldn't sit still for five minutes:

"For Guinness when you hit the horn that means for five minutes everybody has to stay in their location. When I hit the horn they blew through the fence." 

The most interesting part of my evening unfolded when I crept to the front of the U-turn line after spending about half an hour traversing a block (I kid you not). As I watched, one of the undie crew approached Officer Friendly and interrupted his somber U-turn instructions to get a photo with him. The cop obliged. This was his first mistake.

As I watched, not quite believing my eyes, the underwear-clad younger dude (he looked to be, like most of the participants, in his early 20s) slipped his arm around the cop as his friend lined up his phone to snap a shot. The cop tolerated this. This was his second mistake.

As his friend snapped three or four pictures, the man with his arm around the police officer slipped his hand down, and as deftly and smoothly as I've ever seen an athlete deliver a game-winning play stole the cop's wallet. The cop had no idea. After that, the dam broke, and everybody wanted a picture with Officer Friendly. As he dealt with his sudden popularity, the thief, bearing the cop's wallet, and, for all I know, his badge, quickly jogged back into the crowd and was gone.


Comments

  1. All the gendarmes and security I encountered were mellow fellows. So I gotta boo the wallet nabber. What's the spirit of THAT....???

    Also, generally speaking, people were wearing more than than most of us do at at the beach these days (or some in Liberty Park or at Wal-Mart for that matter), so just the cut and styles that screamed underwear, rather than a real opp to ogle real pulchritude. In fact, in its groupness, relaxed atmosphere, etc., there was almost something chaste, and certainly innocent about it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. YoBit lets you to claim FREE CRYPTO-COINS from over 100 unique crypto-currencies, you complete a captcha once and claim as much as coins you want from the available offers.

    After you make about 20-30 claims, you complete the captcha and continue claiming.

    You can press CLAIM as many times as 30 times per one captcha.

    The coins will stored in your account, and you can exchange them to Bitcoins or any other currency you want.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Apparently, Liberals Are The Illuminati

posted 10/5/2012 by the Salt City Sinner Greetings, sheeple, from my stronghold high atop the Wells Fargo Building in downtown Salt City, where I type this before a massive, glowing bank of monitors that display the ongoing progress of my 23-point plan for complete social control. Whether you want to demonize me as a "liberal," or prefer the Glenn Beck update "progressive," we all know the truth, and it's time to pull the curtain aside: like all left-leaning persons, I am actually a member of the Illuminati. How else to explain how much power my side of the aisle wields in U.S. American politics? According to conservatives, liberals/the Illuminati control the media * , science * , academia in general * , public schools * , public radio * , pretty much anything "public," the courts * , and Hollywood * . Hell, we pretty much control everything except for scrappy, underdog operations like WND and Fox News, or quiet, marginalized voices like

The Garden Is Dead, Long Live The Garden

posted on 8/30/2015 by the Salt City Sinner  The last two times that I wrote about gardening, the tone was uncharacteristically less “playful whimsy” than “agonized demon howl.” This is with good reason. The cockroach-hearted fauxhemian Whole Foods crowd at Wasatch Community Gardens, you see, did a terrible thing to me and many other people – they decided that agreements are for suckers and that what the world really needs is another blighted patch of asphalt rather than a large and vibrant community garden, and so they killed my garden (and the gardens of many others) dead, dead, dead. Forgive my bitterness: there is something about loving a patch of actual soil, about nurturing life from tiny green shoots to a luxurious canopy of flowers and vegetables that brings out a protective streak in a human being, and also a ferocious loyalty. The destruction of Sugar House Community Garden did not, however, end my gardening career – heavens, no! Instead, I and a handful of

Cult Books: One Good, One Terrible

  I’ve finished writing a new novel (stay tuned for details) in which the massacre at Jonestown in November 1978 plays a pivotal role. Both to research it and because the phenomenon interests me, I’ve read more than a few books on cults and cultic ideology over the last year.