Because I am as riddled with self-loathing as a fine Gorgonzola cheese is with mold, I subscribe to WND (formerly World Net Daily) "BREAKING NEWS" email alerts. To those of you unfamiliar with WND, I've written about their particular brand of racist, far-right lunacy on a few occasions ( here here and here for starters).
Today I received an alert titled "Decisive action against Obama's left-wing 'trolls.'" That piqued my interest immediately, as I am, in fact, a professional troll (Local 770, Union Pride 'Til I Die). The email read:
If you're sick and tired of all the rude and often vulgar comments and misinformation posted online by pro-Obama left-wing "trolls," you'll be happy to know some decisive action is being taken against these vile creatures.
In WND's inimitable "ONE WEIRD SPICE THAT CURES SYPHILIS AND DIABETES" style, the email invited me to "see what action is being taken," and folks, WND is on the job.
If, that is, "the job" is to pen an approximately 7,000-word thesis on the fine art of determining who is or is not a troll and thus who will or will not be banned from WND's comments section and forums. Quoth professional trollologist and Professor Emeritus of Birtherism Jerome R. Corsi:
WND internet forum moderators have conducted extensive studies of leftist, pro-Obama "trolls" who post misinformation.
Let us pause for a moment to contemplate the plight of the "WND internet forum moderator." That must be one hell of a job, combing gigabytes of racist, insane conspiracy rants for the occasional obscenity or PG-13 innuendo. As I pointed out in a previous post ( here ), WND's moderators seem to have no problem with a comment like this:
While a comment that probably had the word "$h!t" in it gets groomed:
Anyway, enough about the moderators at WND. Lets move on to Dr. Corsi's king-sized screed about internet trolls:
Typically, trolls operating on WND forums attempt to defend Obama by posting specious and diversionary arguments with the goal of changing the subject and obscuring topics that could damage Obama, such as his birth records, life narrative, political history and policy preferences, including his current position as president.
Okay, so...now that we've established that Doctor Jerry has no earthly clue what a "troll" or "trolling" is, who are these nefarious subject-changers? (Full disclosure: I truly, deeply hope that the fringe right keeps hammering the whole birth certificate thing. Every time Sheriff Joe holds a press conference or Corsi goes on another "fact finding mission" in Africa a Democrat somewhere picks up six points in the polls.)
|George Soros and Saul Alinsky's hideous love child|
Now that the secret is out, I might as well confess: I am no fewer than 257 posters registered at WND, and have made literally one million comments in the time that I have trolled the luminaries of WND's forums.
I am well-compensated for my trouble-making. Soros pays me in gold ingots, delivered to my secret PO box every other Thursday. I throw the ingots into a gunny sack and haul them back to my command center high atop the Wells Fargo Building downtown, where my bank of computers are - each IP address linked to a different set of troll personas. I then deposit my filthy lucre in my wall safe.
Anyway, let this be a lesson to all of you nasty WND trolls - they're onto you.