Saturday, 20 April 2013

Glenn Beck, Hammer Of Truth

posted on 4/20/2013 by the Salt City Sinner

A conspiracy theory without Glenn Beck kicking in his two cents is like a kiss without whiskers as the saying goes (or is it a soup without salt?). Joining the illustrious ranks of such deep thinkers as Alex Jones, Beck is now convinced that the official story on the Boston bombings is so much flim-flam and hocus-pocus. Like a newly hatched baby turtle’s irrepressible urge to seek the sea, or a flower’s instinctual strain for the light of the sun, Beck’s internet vanity press, The Blaze, is inevitably advancing the theory that all this Boston carnage has something to do with Benghazi.

“Huh?” you say. Well, that’s not really a word, mister, but I’m willing to forgive it in this case because, seriously, huh?

It’s not necessarily surprising that Beck’s first and most authentic reaction to the tragedy in Boston was to  use it  to  sell gold . Glenndolf Beckler is, after all, a good capitalist, although his theory about why gold prices are plummeting (hint: it’s a government conspiracy) is so weird and poorly reasoned that even Business Insider was left  flabbergasted . It’s also worth keeping in mind that this is a man whose idea of a “gotcha!” moment linking progressives to fascism involves fascists travelling back in time to put the old Roman symbol of the fasces on an American dime:

So Beck on his best day is not what I’d call an impeccably informed or well-reasoning source of commentary.

Even so, his continued attempts to pillory a “Saudi national” already cleared by investigators and scrubbed from almost every right-wing blog at this point are pretty breathtaking, even for old Glenndolf Beckler. Even though most conservative narratives about Boston have evolved – hell, even as weirdos like Alex Jones have updated their theories to reflect new information – Beck set his heels early, and has been doubling and tripling down since then.

While authorities were looking for two ethnic Chechens from Kyrgyzstan, Beck was quick to  remind  us that his attentions were not about to waver, no matter what the facts had to say:

I want you to hear me carefully. There is so much information going through here. It is critically important that you understand that this is suspect #2 that just died and suspect #3 that is still on the loose. Suspect #1 – the government is going to try to hide suspect number one. Do not forget him.

Don’t worry, though, citizens! The federal government and the elites and the intellectuals and cable news and 90% of conservative blogs and the police and human beings in general may have decided to focus on the actual suspects in the Boston attacks rather than a young “Saudi national,” but Glenn Beck isn’t losing focus. Glenn Beck is about to deliver a mighty, crushing Hammer of Truth (his signature pro-wrestling move) from the top rope of Justice if NOBUMMER doesn’t play ball:

 I can hardly wait, Glenndolf. I can hardly wait.

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