Saturday, 4 July 2015

500 Posts!

posted on 7/4/2015 by the Salt City Sinner

Well, look at THAT!  Salt City Sinner has racked up 500 posts!

Despite work stoppages created by tense relations between labor and management (in other words I'm sometimes lazy and filled with self-loathing), this thing has kept creaking along, more or less steering itself, for far longer than I ever expected it to, and probably far longer than is sane or healthy.

To celebrate 500 posts' worth of sometimes entertaining, often obscenity-laced nonsense and balderdash, the following selections have been hand picked, quality controlled, and partially digested before being regurgitated for your perusal and/or delectation. Please enjoy responsibly!

A Combat Of Cocks

"Lord Dickens Smallwood was Warden of the Short Tower, a stub of a man only as tall as he was wide, and given to agitated frothing at the slightest provocation. He dug his thighs into his mount and pulled up short before a banner bearing the sigil of his house: a wilted orchid, purple on a pale field. Ser Boner Cartwheel, Smallwood’s strong right hand, planned to take the Rear Guard into battle."

#OccupySLC: Now There Is Nothing But Ruins

"I caught more shit for my home-made press pass than I have for anything I've worn in public since middle school. The CBS camera-guy ranked on me. The ABC camera-guy ranked on me. An independent journalist who wore a complicated rig with three or four cameras on it laughed uproariously and snapped my picture when I produced this 'pass' and fumblingly pinned it on. The way I figure it, using a press pass is like using a cross against a vampire: you have to believe in it and/or imbue it with authenticity to make it 'work.'"

Of Presidents And Ponies

“'I’ll, ah, take that into consideration,' the President says. 'Now, before things get going properly, let’s pour you into a pair of your very tightest slacks without underwear – I mean, so tight that you aren’t going to leave anything to the imagination – and get a couple of tall, lukewarm glasses of skim milk going. This party’s about to get weird.'

“'Bro hoof?' he asks again. 'Bro hoof,' I reply sadly."

Redistricting Time 2011

"Just as the Gini Coefficient can be used to examine income inequality and allows us to compare different countries and/or political economies using a consistent metric, there should be a coefficient that measures disparity in representative democracies. In such a rating system, the U.S. would rank somewhere around Liberia or the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, and even within such a competitive framework, I'd bet that Utah would rank in the top two or three least representative states."

A Tour Of Salt City Sinner Headquarters

"Last and least of all, you must be wondering what the Salt City Sinner himself looks like and where he spends his idle days. The short answer is: fuck off. The long answer is that 'I' am actually a complex series of neuroses and psychocosms amalgamated specifically to sustain the order of Salt City while secretly undermining it. Have a nice weekend!"

The Mistakes Of The Mero “Mind” Part I

"Paul Mero is a pompous, sneering dickhead, but that doesn't set him apart from the rest of his ilk in any extraordinary way. What gets my attention, and yanks my eyeballs to many of his online or in-print columns, is Mero's gift for torturing logic, this way, that way, inside and out, and then accusing his ideological opponent of irrational thinking. It's the intellectual equivalent of watching a drunken clown hopped up on methamphetamines juggle live snakes "

Well there you have it!

On a serious note, sincere thanks to everyone who has read, linked to, or written for this bloggue over the years. You guys are the best, and the reason I continue to do this (it certainly isn't the fame and money). I hope that 500 posts from now we're all in good health and high spirits. Cheers, and happy Fourth!

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