Skip to main content

The Fat Of The Land

Image
By
From every college kid's favorite toe-dip into Chuck Palahniuk:

Tyler Durden: The salt balance has to be just right, so the best fat for making soap comes from humans.
Narrator: Wait, what is this place?
Tyler Durden: A liposuction clinic.


NO, NO, NO, Tyler Durden!



That is not how you make soap. I respect your combination of dumpster-diving and artisan production, but that is not how good soap is made.

One the members of my Maoist hive-marriage, Stephanie, has struck out boldly into the soap-making business, and you know what? Doctor Bronner's can go take a flying f*** at a rolling donut. Steph's stuff is the bomb.

When I first happened upon her operation (hidden deep in the countryside that constitutes the border between Salt Lake's Downtown and West Side - more about that some other time), I was sold:


Those were made for me based on scents I wanted and shapes available. I cannot express the enthusiasm I feel now every morning to run a train-shaped bar of specially scented soap up and down my frame while making "Choo-Choo!" noises.

This is something that all men want to do, but few will admit.

Come on, fellas - don't YOU want a train-shaped bar of soap?

If you are worried about the ingredients of this soap, I have a lengthy Word document from Steph detailing exactly what goes into her artisan soaps. Common ingredients?

Lye. Coconut Oil. Palm Oil. Olive Oil. Castor Oil.

Different ingredients go into each scent. Steph has crafted a really amazing variety of soaps and scents, ranging from hemp-based soap to oatmeal soap, and ranging in scent from "Turkish Mocha" to "Summer Fling."

I myself invested heavily in "Nag Champa," because I enjoy smelling like the reading room at the One World Cafe. That's just the derelict I am, and the company I keep, I suppose.

You can contact Steph at stefnation@gmail.com 

Labels

Labels:

Comments

  1. Anonymous27 March 2012 at 20:25

    Have you noticed that it doesn't leave you feeling like you have a film all over you? Steffy and I are really glad that you are enjoying the soap. And to state fact, once you have the train soap in your hands, you can't help making train noises. There's something inherently fun about it.

    -Topher

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous28 March 2012 at 00:04

    Wow that was a mental image I didn't need.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Apparently, Liberals Are The Illuminati

By
posted 10/5/2012 by the Salt City Sinner Greetings, sheeple, from my stronghold high atop the Wells Fargo Building in downtown Salt City, where I type this before a massive, glowing bank of monitors that display the ongoing progress of my 23-point plan for complete social control. Whether you want to demonize me as a "liberal," or prefer the Glenn Beck update "progressive," we all know the truth, and it's time to pull the curtain aside: like all left-leaning persons, I am actually a member of the Illuminati. How else to explain how much power my side of the aisle wields in U.S. American politics? According to conservatives, liberals/the Illuminati control the media * , science * , academia in general * , public schools * , public radio * , pretty much anything "public," the courts * , and Hollywood * . Hell, we pretty much control everything except for scrappy, underdog operations like WND and Fox News, or quiet, marginalized voices like...
126 comments
Read more

Where (Else) to Find My Writing

By
REGULARLY UPDATED Posted on 1/9/2020  - UPDATED 2/4/2025 MY FULL-LENGTH   NONFICTION DEBUT! BLACK SUNRISE ON PISS EARTH: FASCISM, NIHILISM, AND THE 21ST CENTURY OCCULT Black Sunrise on Piss Earth: Fascism, Nihilism, and the 21st Century Occult is a nonfiction, anti-fascist, punk rock, and no-holds-barred look at the role that nihilism and the postmodern occult have played in the development of fascist movements in the United States, Great Britain, Germany, and elsewhere – a coordinated movement I call the Fascist Internationale. The manuscript’s title is a reference to Piss Earth 2025, a piece of fascist agitprop that I respond to, using my refutation as a framework for looking at the dangerous, deadly, and dumbass ideas undergirding everything from QAnon and Christian Identity to Nazi Satanist- worshipers the Order of Nine Angles and portions of the Asatru (Norse Pantheon worship) and chaos magick communities. HE LED US INTO THE WILDERNESS AND SPOKE TO US My fourth novel! No...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Sinner's History of Utah: The Commercial Street Red Light District

By
posted on 8/12/2015 by the Salt City Sinner I moved from Utah to the American South as a teenager, and pretty quickly learned that if you hail from the Beehive State, there are a series of extremely dumb questions you will be asked when people first meet you that would not be asked of someone from, say, South Dakota or Maine.  “Are you Mormon?” is obviously the first one – and a pretty reasonable question, all things considered. That is usually followed up with some sort of question about polygamy, however, which is lazy and ignorant and gets old remarkably quickly. Sometimes I would be asked if one can buy alcohol in Utah. This is, again, a not entirely unreasonable thing to ask, especially since many of these interactions took place back in the days of private clubs and membership cards – but it did strike me as a little silly given that I was often asked about Utah and booze while going to college in Conway, Arkansas, which is a town located in a dry county where sales ...
6 comments
Read more