My City's Warts Are Beautiful

I'm a battering ram, coming through to you
In every alleyway, in every avenue
- Rancid, "Avenues and Alleyways"

This time of year, with 'popcorn popping on the apricot tree,' my city is gorgeous and resplendent, dropping flower confetti in the streets and charming every pedestrian or resident with warm, fragrant breezes.

Our new IRC office, which is *gorgeous*

Blossoming trees are everywhere in Salt City right now.

Winds carry the scent of blooms and deposit tiny petals like celebratory confetti into inconvenient locales. I had friends and co-workers helpfully pluck blossoms from my unkempt hair for the last week or two until I finally shaved my Samson off (don't worry, I plan on knitting my discarded hair into a creepy but practical wig/beanie with which I can complete my transition into Moe from the Three Stooges).

But there is always another side to beauty, isn't there? To call it 'ugliness' is to misunderstand aesthetics, in my understanding.

In every place of beauty, there are moments of love and squalor that compliment the greater whole - especially in a somewhat old city like Salt Lake, where zoning, regulation, and design have been something of a slapdash process so far.

To this end, I submit my favorite alleyways in Salt City.

Behind the Bay, which I have written about before

I'm relatively certain this is how the movie C.H.U.D. started out

Hiding bodies, fighting crime, sleeping out - it would be difficult to do much of ANYTHING in this less-than-two-foot-wide specimen.

Meanwhile, condominiums are rising near Pioneer Park, in the toxic fallout zone of hippie activists that constituted #OccupySLC's encampment at Pioneer Park.

Interestingly, they have created their own alleyways, with a sort of crazily futuristic and optimistic feel:

That is architecture that in my opinion says "I'm an alley.... to the FUTURE!"

Alleyways used to profoundly irritate me. Lately I have found a strange sense of peace, exploration, and history in them. The surrounding/menacing architecture makes me even more intrigued.

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Apparently, Liberals Are The Illuminati

posted 10/5/2012 by the Salt City Sinner Greetings, sheeple, from my stronghold high atop the Wells Fargo Building in downtown Salt City, where I type this before a massive, glowing bank of monitors that display the ongoing progress of my 23-point plan for complete social control. Whether you want to demonize me as a "liberal," or prefer the Glenn Beck update "progressive," we all know the truth, and it's time to pull the curtain aside: like all left-leaning persons, I am actually a member of the Illuminati. How else to explain how much power my side of the aisle wields in U.S. American politics? According to conservatives, liberals/the Illuminati control the media * , science * , academia in general * , public schools * , public radio * , pretty much anything "public," the courts * , and Hollywood * . Hell, we pretty much control everything except for scrappy, underdog operations like WND and Fox News, or quiet, marginalized voices like...

Where (Else) to Find My Writing

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May Day, Salt Lake City

Posted on 5/1/2012 by the Salt City Sinner It was a glorious spring day in Salt City today.So why not get some exercise in the form of a protest march celebrating May Day ? Our goal was to meet at the City County Building and march to the capitol. The crowd started to gather at the City County building at 3:00 PM, MST. The big news on the street was that the Black Bloc would be in attendance ( my views on the Bloc are mixed at best). Were there Black Bloc comrades* at today's march? Yes, there were: The real story here is that we had an ally far more lovable (but I would argue less flexible) than the Bloc on our side. Gumby. My favorite sign by far: And we marched! At one point the protesters were too many to stay on the sidewalk and spilled into the street, effectively stopping traffic. The cops (who were already on scene) blared their sirens and ominously intoned "STAY OFF THE STREET" through bullhorns. The response? Protes...

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