The Turkening: Part One

posted on 11/19/2018 by the Salt City Sinner

Thanksgiving! That time of year when long-simmering political tensions combine with booze, forced fellowship, and sharp cutlery! What could go wrong?

In the interests of reducing the number of stab wounds you have to inflict on your loved ones this year, I thought I’d share a few down-home Turkey Day secrets from the Salt City Sinner Consolidated Data Products and Home Cookin’ Division. Enjoy!

Cranberries from Scratch Are Easy (and Unspeakably Delicious)

It isn’t as hard to make home-cooked, from-scratch cranberries as you may think! Start with a large bag – easy to find in the produce section this time of year (“unavoidable” might be the word). Wash your berries (just like coach taught you to do after gym class).

Put them in a large pot (see photo), and mix in about a cup of orange juice, half a zested orange peel, and a peeled orange, seeded and diced into cranberry-sized chunks. Add about four cups of sugar and a cinnamon stick – stir and combine. Now bring to a nice, bubbling simmer, and keep it there as the berries pop and combine. After about 90 minutes, remove your cranberries from the heat and fish out the cinnamon stick (carefully!). Once the mixture is room temperature, add three celery stalks, diced into cranberry-sized cubes (you want the celery to keep its crunch to add texture). Throw this in the fridge in a sealed container, and you’re ready to go!

Get Your Turkey a Smaller Turkey

Not really. I mean, that would be taking things a bit far, no? But do you know what? A smaller, pre-Thanksgiving turkey IS a good way to make gravy from scratch in advance of the big day!

Does that sound insane? It might be! Another way to do this is to purchase turkey wings before Thanksgiving and pan-fry them for gravy prep. This year, the smaller turkey was actually cheaper than turkey wings. So! Not only does this method net you gravy you can heat and serve on Thanksgiving, it nets you a Snackin’ Turkey of your very own before the main event! Lucky you!

If you plan on following this method to make gravy, by the way, please start by reading this. Okay! Roasting this little fellow for two to three hours at 325 F was enough to generate drippings in a roasting pan. Take your drippings (fat, skin, and liquids that collect in the bottom of a roasting pan), and whisk in hot water and flour a spoonful at a time. Add a couple of cups of chicken stock until the consistency is where you want it. Bring to a boil, then refrigerate. On Thanksgiving, simply reheat – you can add a tiny bit of flour or chicken stock if you need to tweak the viscosity when you bring it back to the desired temperature.

Stuffing – AKA, the Main Event

Everyone has a favorite dish come Thanksgiving, and mine is stuffing. That’s not surprising. It checks all the boxes; fat, carbs, savory seasoning, unique mouthfeel. It boosts my enjoyment of other dishes; I like turkey best paired with stuffing – ditto mashed potatoes! A side this important should not be left to boxed mixes or rank amateurs. No, comrade! What you want to do is make my stuffing. It requires stale bread, but if you start your stuffing a day or two before the big day, you’ll be fine.

Start with said bread. Cut it into cubes and allow it to get stale – even a little crunchy (a day does it in Utah’s dry climate).

Once it’s ready, sauté 1.5 diced yellow onions, salt and pepper (to taste – a few teaspoons), loads of diced fresh or dried sage, 1.5 pounds of diced chestnuts in two sticks of butter (yes, you heard me).

Now stir in your bread until it’s evenly coated, et voilà! Keep your stuffing covered tightly with tin foil in your fridge, and that’s one less thing to worry about on the big day! It will be ready to go when your turkey is.

Please note: be careful with your food prep on Thanksgiving! There’s a trick to cooking stuffing inside of a huge amount of raw poultry – DO NOT GIVE YOUR GUESTS SALMONELLA! If you don’t intend to look into how to cook stuffing inside of a bird safely, just make it sans bird! Preheat the oven to 350, pop the stuffing into a buttered casserole dish, and bake it for about 30 minutes.

If, however, you want to stuff a turkey, I’ll have a how-to in my next post, wherein we will discuss the virtues of a dry brine and other arcane secrets of turkey preparation. Intriguing!