The Valentine's Playlist 2019

posted on 2/14/2019 by the Salt City Sinner

Love! The stuff of legends; of fleets launched, genocides committed or averted, friends betrayed and loyalties upheld. It’s also the stuff of commerce, serving as a high-fructose additive to movies, music, and other entertainment that might otherwise be too intellectually nutrient-dense for folks to stomach. As such, even those of us sworn to darkness can’t seem to avoid it this time of year. Consider pink glitter to be an appropriate synecdoche; “romance” winds up getting into everything, unavoidably and infuriatingly cluttering up, jamming, and grinding to a halt the everyday enjoyment of life.

Now, I’m not here to cast aspersions on pair-bonding, necessarily. There are certainly advantages to such a lifestyle choice, and the vast, vast majority of humans live their lives that way. I’ve even heard rumors (too unspeakable to repeat here) that coupling up is in some way related to the perpetuation of the human species, although, frankly, what I was told sounded extremely anatomically improbable and uncomfortable.

No, I’m here today to offer – to you, the fine, pair-bonded folks I know – an olive branch in the form of a playlist! A romantic, lovey-dovey playlist that I promise will not be loaded overmuch with bitter irony. There will be just a *hint* of bitter irony – the better to enjoy the high-fructose love in your own life.

So, without further ado, I present “The Martyrdom of Saint Valentine 2019,” a Salt City Sinner playlist!

1.      “Computer Love” by Kraftwerk – in addition to providing the motif for Coldplay’s monster hit “Talk,” “Computer Love” was ahead of its time both thematically and musically.

2.      “Send Me An Angel” by Real Life – “Open fire on my burning heart / I’ve never been lucky in love” – are you kidding me? So ridiculous. So great!

3.      “Free Love” by Morphine – Morphine is one of my all-time favorite bands. Listen to Dana Colley strip the flesh off of his bones in the solo for this song. Free love…. Don’t bank on it, baby.

4.      “Funnel of Love” by SQÜRL (feat. Madeline Follin) – The original version of this song was recorded by Wanda Jackson in 1960, and is great. I’ve heard versions by Mike Ness and Cyndi Lauper as well, but I think this take – from Jim Jarmusch’s band SQÜRL – is a druggy, drunken, nightmarish vortex – just the way I like it!

5.      “Bloodletting on the Kiss” by Bloody Hammers – I’ve long maintained that if you want a love song, you go to goth music. Anders Manga’s project, Bloody Hammers, hits all the right flavors here – spooky synth, a rolling bass line, lyrical themes of death and sex. What more could you ask for?

6.      “Kiss from a Rose,” by Seal – 1994 called. It wants its hit love song back. “You can’t have it,” I barked into the telephone, “it belongs to the future now!” This is a great song – fight me.

7.      “Venus in Furs,” by the Velvet Underground – based on the novella by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, the man whose name gave us the word “masochism,” this ode to BDSM Is still spicy – imagine how spicy it was in 1967!

8.      “Cactus” by Pixies – I debated whether to include this, the original, or the also-excellent David Bowie cover (from his album “Heathen”). In the end, I decided that you can’t really do better than Black Francis’ vocals on the Pixies version. So plaintive. So creepy!

9.      “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell – under state law, I am required to include this song on any playlist about romance or relationships. It is my sincere pleasure to comply.

10.   “Our Time” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs – I’m a big fan of Karen O’s voice. This song, from their debut EP, showcases the band’s gentler side, while still carrying a gunny sack full of buzz-saw guitar.

11.   “Your Sweet Six Six Six” by HIM – If there’s a better day of the year to indulge yourself with a little “love metal,” I’m not aware of it.

12.   “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak – ‘Dazed’ magazine wonders if this is “the most influential love song in modern music.” I think that might be going a bit far, but it’s an all-time classic.

13.   “Love Song #1” by Meshell Ndegeocello – Ndegeocello is one of the most talented musicians in American music – a bass player, songwriter, singer, and (as this song demonstrates) wielder of atmospheric production that creates a rich, layered environment – as in this song.

14.   “I Can’t Stand the Rain” by Ann Peebles – The title track from her 1974 album, this is simply a classic. The pizzicato strings are a masterful touch.

15.   “Heart-Shaped Box” by Nirvana – Sometimes love is pain. And sometimes, as Nirvana is glad to tell you, it’s even worse than that.

16.   “Dissolved Girl” by Massive Attack – If goth music is where to look for a love song, I’d also argue that trip hop is where one ought to look – when one is so inclined – for, ahem, “Netflix and chill” music.

17.   “Ruler (Good Witch)” by Joi – Joi’s 2018 album “SIR Rebekkah Holylove” is phenomenal, and mostly about the ways in which humans are beset by love. Regrettably, I could not include the whole thing – so please enjoy “Ruler.”

18.   “Baby Bitch” by Ween – “Now skinny and sick and paranoid” indeed. On the surface, this bitter “fuck you” to an ex is about said ex, but listen again and you realize that the real loser in this song is the narrator.

19.   “No Time to Cry” by Sisters of Mercy – The Sisters will help you dance your tears away in the latex-and-leather club of your choice! Thank you, Sisters!

20.   “He Wants Me Back” by Dance Hall Crashers – DHC’s nigh-unnatural vocal melodies and mellow, third-wave ska stylings are not so much an antidote to the heavier songs this Valentine’s Day as they are a complement. A delicious complement!

21.   “Hell and You” by Amigo the Devil – This song was a suggestion from my friend Nicole, and I adore it. Thanks Nicole!

22.   “Overtime” by KNOWER – Likewise, a suggestion from my friend Mark. Quite enjoyable 23^rd-century jazz, in my opinion!

23.   “If I Had a Heart” by Fever Ray – Fever Ray is the handiwork of Karin Dreijer, who is half of the Knife, a beloved Swedish electronic act. Fever Ray’s stuff is a little slower, groovier, and creepier than much of the Knife’s work. Perfect!

24.   “Guilty” by Randy Newman – Newman’s love songs have always appealed to me. Or, rather, his songs that portray something like love, but a little more real.

25.   “Don’t Cut Your Hair” by Mishka Shubaly – I keep waiting for Shubaly to blow up big. He’s a poet of the shitbag, gutter-drunk lifestyle, a songwriter who has traveled the outer limits of heartache. Here’s to you, Shubaly.

26.   “Love You to Death” by Type O Negative – Ah, Type O. The grain of sand around which this whole playlist, pearlescent, formed. This is one of Type O’s better-known songs, and for good reason: you can practically see the flickering candles and taste the red wine as you enjoy this moody, over-the-top masterpiece. I will forever miss you, Type O. Which is why I decided to close out this playlist with:

27.   “The Dream is Dead” by Type O Negative – “Another lonely Valentine’s Day,” Peter and Johnny sing. “The dream is dead.” And, comrade, if the dream’s death sounds as good as this, the whole enterprise – pink balloons and candies included – is worth it. And maybe that’s the moral of the story, inasmuch as it has one!

I’m happy to take suggestions regarding inclusions or next year’s playlist – happy Valentine’s Day to you and the one(s) you love!