Monday, 8 October 2012

Apparently, Liberals Are The Illuminati

posted 10/5/2012 by the Salt City Sinner



Greetings, sheeple, from my stronghold high atop the Wells Fargo Building in downtown Salt City, where I type this before a massive, glowing bank of monitors that display the ongoing progress of my 23-point plan for complete social control.


Whether you want to demonize me as a "liberal," or prefer the Glenn Beck update "progressive," we all know the truth, and it's time to pull the curtain aside: like all left-leaning persons, I am actually a member of the Illuminati.

How else to explain how much power my side of the aisle wields in U.S. American politics?

According to conservatives, liberals/the Illuminati control the media *, science *, academia in general *, public schools *, public radio *, pretty much anything "public," the courts *, and Hollywood *. Hell, we pretty much control everything except for scrappy, underdog operations like WND and Fox News, or quiet, marginalized voices like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Monica Crowley, Michael Medved, Laura Ingraham, Michael Savage, Glenn Beck, et. al.

This year, my fellow Illuminates and I have taken control of two more institutions vital to the 2012 presidential elections: polls and fact checkers.



Quoth Examiner.com :

Right now voters are living in two very different realities when it comes to the presidential race. One world is supported by the polls of every major polling outfit, including Gallup, Rasmussen Reports, Fox News, NBC/Wall Street Journal, CNN/Opinion Research Survey USA, Public Policy Polling, Purple Strategies, and CBS News/New York Times. The other world, supported by many conservatives and pundits like Dick Morris, believe that Romney is actually winning despite all the polling outfits above that report to the contrary. 
The disbelief about the current set of polls, which now unanimously show Obama ahead in the key swing states, has created something called the "skewed polls" mentality. The disbelievers have convinced themselves that every poll is "skewed" because it oversamples Democrats, or does not count nearly every undecided voter for Mitt Romney, or maybe even because there is a conspiracy from the left to make it seem like Mitt Romney is losing when he is not.
AH-HA-HA-HA-HA! Opinion polls now belong to the Illuminati, you wretched patriots! Just try to stop us!

Mothra larvae and inexplicable CNN employee Erick Erickson has news for you as well:

The fact checkers are not checking facts, they are spinning. And the media, which is no longer respected by the American people, has abdicated the fact-checking role it consistently refused to do to a group it created. The media's fact checkers are propped up as arbiters of truth when they just still promote the media's own bullcrap, just this time with a "truth" label stuck on it.

I have no doubt that most Americans don't trust "the media" (what "the media" is, exactly, is a very heavy question for another day). That this distrust has something to do with a decline in relative objectivity, I's willing to say maybe. That this decline in trust has been accelerated by constant whining from the right about "the liberal media," then "the mainstream media," then "the lamestream media," then "the drive-by media" (thanks Rush!) I have no doubt.

So, patriots, here's the deal: you lose (according to you) and we win. We control everything. We are everywhere. We have put fluoride in your tap water and are getting ready to put the Mark of the Beast (in the form of an RFID chip) in your flesh.

Just give up quietly, and maybe we can cut you some slack in the homosexual New Black Panther Party re-education FEMA camps. Honestly, it's the best you can hope for.

7 comments:

  1. thanks charles. i love your 'spin' on this situation ^_^
    - noel truman

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    ” if you want to get rich quick and be famous”
    you need to cross your heart and do what
    is in your mind

    so i tried all i could in other for me to do as he said so later on i told my fellow friend about this same thing then my friend was interested in my suggestions so i decided to look in the internet and i found an email address of this great fraternity( church-of-satan@live.com) so we decided to contact them and unfortunately we did as they instruct us to do and later they told us to get some requirements and all the rest… so this initiation took us just a week and later on the great fraternity gave us $70,000,000.00 to start up our lives…. and now am testifying that if in any case you want to join any great fraternity all you need to do is for you to contact them because they are legitimate and they do as what they instructed them to do okay so email them now at ( church-of-satan@live.com ) or you can call them now +2347031991061 they will respond to you okay… regards!!…. or add them on whatsapp via there number +2347031991061…..or visit our facebook page on https://web.facebook.com/Church-of-satan-1805645293081370/

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    and my life story was change immediately . I was very poor
    no job and I has no money to even feed and take care of my
    family I was confuse in life I don’t know what to do I try all
    my possible best to get money but no one work out for me
    each day I share tears, I was just looking out my family no
    money to take care of them until one day I decided to join
    the great Illuminati , I come across them in the internet I
    never believe I said let me try I email them.all what they
    said we happen in my life just started it was like a dream to
    me they really change my story totally . They give me the
    sum of $1,200,000 and many thing. through the Illuminati I
    was able to become rich, and have many industry on my
    own and become famous and popular in my country , today
    me and my family is living happily and I am the most
    happiest man here is the opportunity for you to join the
    Illuminati and become rich and famous in life and be like
    other people and you life we be change totally.If you are
    interested in joining the great brotherhood Illuminati.then
    contact him +2348106618681 email:illuminatibrotherpowerful@
    gmail.com or you need my assistance email:danjerry04@gmail.com...

    ReplyDelete